Just another Low

Well it has been over a month now since I started writing these damn blogs. It has been fun. It has also been quite revealing. Being able to look back on my exploits and emotions is kind of eerie. I have always had a journal, but the novelty of it wore off long ago, and entries are few and far between, usually accompanying some traumatic, or sensational experience. But the blog have been flowing quite regularly for some time, and have allowed me to get a brief look of my twisted life, and my sometimes manic behaviour.

The highs and lows are there for myself and the world to see. Entries that I can remember writing in an obvious state of depression, where, behind every word there is almost a suicidal meloncholy, and others written in some state of eros thinking that maybe there are women out there worth befriending. It is facinating for me to read, and it makes me question my own sanity. In my defence I have had a great deal of fun over the past few months. Too much fun. I got so wrapped up in someone that I actually was becoming dependent on hearing her voice, and asking how her day was. Looking forward to chatting or texting each other, hanging out, going for drinks, watching movies, chilling. You know actually communicating with another human being. But I guess that is not what we are here for. I guess we are suppose to make friends, and break friends with each passing fancy, and never weather the storms to build real friendships. Who needs the kind of friend you can count on, when things get tough, or you have a day when you dont want to go on. Or someone you can call, that just makes you smile. Nope I think I will stick with the ones you can live with out. The kind that when you say goodbye to them you dont really care whether you do or not. Those are the friends for me, cause frankly, and this is directed to you know who, you are the first thing i think of when i wake up, and the last before bed. And that is fucking pathetic, I feel pathetic for feeling like this. I am pathetic for feeling like this. Fuck this blog sucks, this whole things sucks, i am outta here