A few weeks of Introspection

Well after a few weeks of mulling over the whole blog thing, I am back. I tried to start a new blog that was not as accessible, or well known, but it brought be little satisfaction. I also tried to use this blog without talking about my life, and what is going on in it, and found that even less satisfying. I guess this blog has become part of my life. Another way of keeping a journal. Another way to practice the craft or writing. Another way of sharing.

Sharing....now that is a funny concept. I sit here in front of my computer "sharing" my thoughts with people (and I hope more importantly friends) As well, the blog allows me to record these thoughts and ideas for myself. But it is not really sharing. I learned this the hard way more than a few weeks ago, when I attempted to share something very personal to me. Unfortunately, that something was a person from my past.

It is funny how someone can log onto my blog, read my most inner thoughts. They sit at their computer like some voyear, criticizing, and speculating what it all means, and what I am going through, without ever once picking up the phone to talk to me. And then when I make a move to expose them, to bring out their role in the whole drama, they get all defensive and ask that their privacy be respected.

So what about my privacy. Now I know you might say, you are writing the blog, you have given up your right to privacy. And this might be the case. But this is 2006, we are well into the age of the internet. Blogging is something that is being done by millions of people. Some might view it as more than it is, but what it really is, is just a convenient way to put thoughts on paper....i mean, on the internet. And well, isnt the internet the "paper" of our day. Our digital scrapbook. Complete with photographs, thoughts, banking, it is pretty much becoming just an extension of our own minds. We are infact for the first time, being given the opportunity to "look inside the heads" of the people around us.....Or should I say the people willing to participate.

In a way it is great, we can see, for the first time, that we are not alone, that we are human, and that we all have fucked up thoughts in our heads. This could not be more relevent, in the wake of the Dawson shootings in Montreal last week.

Sometimes I think my thoughts are racing out of control, and that I might better serve humanity by putting a bullet to my head. (No Jason I was not trying to steal your schticke) But then I see on the news, a blog from a vampire-man who openly suggested killing people, and then went out and did it. He had a blog, he was sharing his thoughts, in a biblical sense, he was like a "man screaming in the desert". But no one cared to listen. Or if they did they listened quietly, like a voyear, or a peeping tom. They sat like witnesses to murder, and did not act, because by acting they would have to admit that they were there watching the whole thing.

We do it everyday, we drive by people in the street, begging for food. We ignore them. We pretend we are not there. We watch autrociities around the world being broadcast on cnn nightly and we do little but turn down the lights, and pray that no-one knows we know. When someone asks us our opinion we shy away, and start talking about hockey and football (now dont get me wrong.....hockey and football are great) and pretend we did not see it. Pretend we do not see the dead bodies in the streets, or the man standing hoodwinked in the prison with electrical cords attached to him.

Ok now that is a bit drawn on...you get the big point. But the little point is just as bad. I share my blog, because I have friends who share their blogs. WE SHARE. If you are not part of this SHARING process well then fuck off. And if your name, or god forbid, your picture finds its way into my blog, it is because you have given it openly and freely to me. If you dont want me to share something, then tell me up front. Ian, this is for you, or this is just between us. I can respect that.

OK that was a lot of bantering.....but hopefully now I can enjoy my blog again.