A little Funk

Well I know that time of year is right around the corner, when I start getting into this spring funk. It usually shows its face right around "her" birthday, and that is only a week away, so spring is in the air, the flowers are in bloom and every other cliche is piled up in my closet waiting to be taken out with the trash.

For me its just a funk. That feeling that life is not on track. That feeling that you have invested too much time in things that will never bring you happiness, and neglected to invest time into those people that just might. I had a great chat with Natasha online today. It was nice to hear her perspectives on things. After all her life has been quite tumultuous this past year. I found it kind of interesting to hear that I used to be the one telling people to look on the bright side of things, to relax and just go with the flow. I was the guy jumping on a plane to Europe, hiking across Europe. I was the guy with more self confidence that common sense. And yes I was the guy who was stereotypically happy.

So what has changed. That's a tough one. Natasha says it sounds like I am letting people judge me, and that in return, I am judging others. That is definitely not the old Ian. The new Ian does seem judgmental and self debasing. When asked what I am passionate about I no longer have an answer. Before I had my writing, but even my writing as of late does not even attempt to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it simple stares at it, and makes jokes about the silly leprechaun.

I am not really sure how all of this is going to play out. Probably just need to decide once and for all what I want out of life. I mean I have somehow managed to get everything else in life that I have focused on. Maybe I am just scared to go after what I really want cause I am afraid I will fail. Or, maybe I just need to get on a plane and hang with tasha for a week in DC. Visit George W, and have a couple pints at the Front Page. If I cant figure out what I want in DC something is wrong with me, hell G.W figured out what he wanted there, and he has damn well turned the world upside down going after it.

Anyway this blog is over. It is as scattered as my thoughts lately, and if it made any sense it would not be a true representation of what i am feeling. NUFF said.....oh ya, i passed my instructors course and will just need to get monitored in the coming weeks before I can venture out on my own.

Thanks Tash....hope to see you soon