Baby Steps

When I was in my teens I used to be quite a good springboard diver. In fact I was probably one of the best divers at Kinsmen Pool in Sherwood Park. I was even recruited by a diving club from Edmonton, but because of my committments to the cadet program I was not able to join the club. It is also ironic that years later I would become friends with Olympian divers Dave and Larry Flewelling and a crazy high diver by the name of Dave Cooper. The later of which became a very good friend of mine. All three of these friends were members in the club that I never got to join, and yet we still ended up meeting.

Now without belonging to a diving club. I basically learned how to dive on my own. I practiced and practiced and practiced. I spent at least 10 hours a week in the pool, and I learned what I could from trial and error. However, when you learn on your own, you dont always learn how to do things right. My diving days ended in a flash. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was attempting for the third or fouth time, a forward two-and-a-half, off the three meter springboard. As I have already said, it was not my first attempt. I had completed it, and had a somewhat good visual in my head as to how to complete it. Now for those of you who have never been on a diving board, visualization is the key. Once the pattern is engrained in your head, you almost dont even need to think about it, your body just knows when to tuck, and when to pull out. You sort of float through the air, time kind of flows differently. It is a hard thing to explain for those who have never done it, but all my fellow divers and gymnasts out there, will know exactly what i am talking about.

Anyway, I thought I had it in my head. But I didnt. I severely over-rotated and ended up doing a three-and-a-quarter. Now for those of you that cant do that math, that is a belly flop. And not just any belly flop, cause when you are rotating that quickly it is really like getting whiplashed into the pool. I was unconcious for a few seconds, and remember floating to the surface, the pain was unbearable. I remember floating to the side of the pool and being greeted by the lifeguard. He was a friend. And he just looked at me and helped me out of the pool. My head was bleeding. As I was wearing a friendship bracelet, and it ripped the skin on my forehead, as my arms stretched out to reach the water, that I thought was still a a meter away.

The next thing I knew I was sitting in my bedroom watching television. I got up and walked into the living room, and told my parents that the last thing i remember I was in the pool. They told me that I had been home for over an hour. That i came in, told them about my dive, and went straight into my room. That was, at the time, one of the scariest moments of my life. I still have not been able to bring myself to even attempt that dive again. I still dive when i get a chance, and can still perform all the dives I used to, even if my new body makes them less asthetically relevent. But each time I stand on the three meter, I think about it. I also wonder why I did not go back to the pool and try to overcome the fear. Why did i let the fear stop me from something I loved so much, Diving.

For the last two years I have been afraid to pick up the phone. Afraid to call LeeAnn. Afraid to write her. I have convinced myself that it would be too much of an effort. That I didnt know where she was living, and that if she wanted to talk with me, she knew where I was. I did all of this knowing that LeeAnn is the type of person, just like I am, that would be saying the same thing. I let one of, if not my best friend in the world walk out of my life over a little argument. I once again let fear of failure dictate the course of my life. I chose not to try that dive again. I chose to stick with old dives and routines that I knew so well I could do them with my eyes closed. Rather than going through the pain of learning a dive infinately more complex, difficult and beautiful.

Today I mailed a package to LeeAnn. It was nothing special. I simply got back up on the diving board. I know these first couple of attempst might hurt. But I am gonna gamble on the fact that I just might learn something out of this. Even if it isnt a forward-two-and-a-half.