Easter - it came, it went

Well Easter is over, and with it any sense of sanity I might have gained over the past few years. As I stated in my blog earlier, this lent was suppose to end with me getting baptized. This year was suppose to be different. It was suppose to mark the beginning of something, but instead, it turned out to be another year of frustration.

Now mind you, I did not think it would be easy to come to terms with this thing called "christianity" but I, at the least, thought it would somehow make a little sense. But after six months of studying, and years of discussions, I am no closer to an understanding than when I began. Mind you I do believe I have entered into a relationship with Jesus, if that makes any sense. But I do not know how that transends into baptism and the joining of a church. The more I study the church, the more Paul emerges. And quite frankly I do not know Paul.

So where does this leave me? Well I did not get baptized. Nor do I know if I even want to go back to church. Even though, it is something I truly enjoy. However, how can i sit in church with all these questions. It makes me feel like a fraud. I have never called myself a christian, so why do I attend a christian church? This does not make any sense to me. In fact this entire process has taught me one thing. I dont make any sense.

Now I have always known that I am a little crazy. Have I not always said, "it would be insane, to be sane, in an insane world." And G-d knows the world is insane. But trying to understand "christians" is something that I am afraid, might take me off the deep end.

So with all that banter......Easter is over, and I will try to take a break from all these crazy questions, and get back to the business of being me. Sorry for all my meaningless drivle.