New Beginnings

My birthday still may be twenty five days away, but I have decided that this year I am going to make my birthday something to remember. I have decided to make it the day I put the past behind me, and finally start to rebuild this thing called life. It is going to involve a lot a change. Things like a change in residence, and a change in focus. But more importantly a change in attitude. I am beginning to realize that I have somehow surrounded myself with people and things that tend to remind me daily of the troubled years I have been working through. I have also realized that I am no longer in those troubled years, and that I have actually moved past them. And mistakenly, I have held myself captive to the idea that I have not fully recovered from my own undoings, when the facts, as I see them, speak for themself.

I am not working in basements slugging shit anymore....I am well established in my new career.

I am not wallowing in self pity anymore over LeeAnn....I am truly open to starting a new relationship.

I am not afraid to accept my mistakes and misgivings....I have accepted them, and if anyone has a problem with that, fuck them.

And finally, I have taken control of my life, and it is no longer heading down, or sideways......it is heading straight UP.

So what will this mean for me. Over the weekend, I was at a conference where a keynote speaker did a talk on Goals. He spoke about having a positive attitude, and setting goals and all the usual crap like that. But one of the things that resonated with me was setting goals and writing them down. That is something I used to do often, and looking back, it worked out pretty well. It is something I haven't done in quite a long time. So I have decided to do this on my blog this time, because this way, I have a bigger incentive than before, and that is my friends will have the ability to "remind me" when I am getting off track. Hell they might even provide some positive reinforcement, rather than all the negative stuff I have been getting over the past few years. (Negative may not be the right word, I don't know the right word, but its the word that implies that 'what you are doing is just fine' even when people know that what you are doing is not fine.)

So with that said, lets put down a simple 5 goals to be completed before my next birthday in 2008.

1.) My own apartment.

2.) Find a girlfriend

3.) Finish my current novel.

4.) Pay back last few remaining debts from past life

5.) Down payment for house in Windsor or London

And that just about sums it up. I honestly think that if I can manage to stick to those objectives for the following year. Life will definitely start to look allot more like "my life" rather than "this life".

Elsewhere in the world. The Sens are playing the Ducks for the cup. Game 2 is tonight and the sens are currently down 1 game to nil. There is a TB scare going on in the US and Canada following a case of travelling TB on an airplane. Calgary is a balmy twentysomething in the sunshine. And I am getting ready to host a great BBQ and poker game on saturday....Life is Good

Shit or get off the Pot

It seems that I have spent most the past month on the road. I spent over a week in Edmonton and Jasper, and then returned to Edmonton for the past few days, and now I am heading to Canmore for a couple more days. However, this should not be confused with those old fun days on the road. So let me tell you about the difference.

The old Newman got to spend his nights in hostels talking with other travelers, playing chess, enjoying beers, and telling stories about where we have been and where we would like to go next. The people were all different, and more than a few of us were a few cards short of a deck. Some people played guitars, and others read tarot cards. Still others could draw, or paint. I even met someone who could read tea-leaves. Oh yes, and who could forget Rebecca, the traveling gypsy that played with those fire sticks. Most of the time we did not talk about money, and when we did, it was to find out where we might find a few days work, in order to make enough money to get to the next town.

The new Newman gets to spend his nights sitting in hotel lounges with everyone talking about how much money they have, and how much more they want. They talk about how their house has made them hundreds of thousands of dollars in just a few short years. Or the conversation could turn to that BMW or SUV that is sitting in the drive. We could talk about how expensive kids are these days. Then when you are done talking about how much money everyone has, you get to go back to your brilliant hotel room alone. You get to watch television. When you try to talk with the only cool people in the hotel (the staff) they treat you like a "guest". They smile at you, the same way I used to smile at people like me. I think anyone who has ever worked in the hospitality industry knows that smile.

I am not sure where I am going with this. I love my job. But I don't think I am any better off than I was a few years ago. I just seem to have more responsibilities and more people to expect things of me. NO complaints I mean the more they give me, the more they pay me. But when ur single and dont really have anything that you really want....well all that money just goes out the window anyway. So sometimes I wonder if I would be better off without it. Without a job. Without an apartment. Without it all. God knows I could get by day to day and not have to deal with all the bullshit that comes with this. I have done it before. Someone asked me "when in your life were you happiest"....not sure i can answer that.....and not sure that if I could, I would ever be able to repeat it.

The term "Shit or get off the pot" has come up a lot the last few weeks. Mainly when talking to people about their relationships. But when I think about it, I guess it applies to me too. Only for me the decision is to put those last few nails in my coffin and become the walking stiff I have been becoming for the past few years. Maybe stop drinking. I mean the only reason I do it is because it is the only thing that makes me feel human, the only time i feel even remotely "similar" to anyone else playing this god-for-saken game we call "urban life" .....or at least until I pass out, and realize its time to do the whole thing over again...the same as the day before...and the day before that....and that.

But its hard when the only alternative seems to be a return to the "happy Newman" that would probably end his life pushing a shopping cart around some far away city. Come to think of it, I am pretty sure that's how this story is going to end anyway....or at least that is where I would put my money if I was a betting man.

newman out
(sorry for the negativity....but when you cant even think of a goal to reach for....the world can be a pretty melancholy place)

Its been awhile

Well when things get busy the blog is the first to go. It would appear that I have not written a blog in awhile, so I guess I will take a poke at it. Not that I have much to say however, but I should comment on Facebook, as it seems to be sweeping the world like a crazy cyber-bug.

Facebook is a new social site on the Internet that allows people to interact in cyberville. It does this by providing each member with a personalized site which allows people to share photos and exchange messages. It does this all in a way that links personal networks to other personal networks, creating a very complicated web, but one that is easily navigated once one gets used to the platform. Once familiar with it, you are able to track down old friends, and search other peoples "networks" for people you may have met along the way. In essence it is much like msn's myspace, but is much more user friendly.

The name facebook says it all. Each person basically publishes their own personal "album" consisting of all their friends. And when you seeone that you know, on a friends on album, you are able to add them to yours. Once you do this, a message is sent to that person allowing them to confirm you as a friend, and then the dialogue can begin.

So why am I writing this? Nostalgia I guess. The Internet seems to be evolving so quickly, and the way it is beginning to incorporating cyber-communication is fascinating. I mean people are communicating more through emails, text messages, and platforms like facebook than they are talking to each other. Who would have thought the computer would take over something as simple as our own speach, and/or hearing to communicate.

I do not know where it is going, but i do know that within ten years I will look back on something like facebook the same way I look back on the game of pong. I remember when pong came out and i was fascinated by it. I played it for hours, just like i play with facebook for hours now. I know facebook will have the same fate. But what I do not know is where this facebook will take us. Pong led to Tank, and then to baseball, and then Galaga, and then Dungeons and Dragons, then Xbox. So where could face book take us. I would be stupid to even speculate. Once again I do not know where facebook will take us, but i do know that we are defiantly getting close to the stratosphere of cyberville, and things could get a little bumpy before we break orbit.

Other that facebook the world is still pretty much the same. I am still single, but not liking it as much as i normally do. I don't know why this is, but for some reason it just feels different. Probably because I am realizing that all the things I am trying to rid myself of, are the things that women were genuinely attracted to. But I will give this "newman" a few more months to try and find what it is looking for, and then I think I might have to go back to being the "oldman" that seemed to have no problems getting what he wanted, one so many different levels. Cuz getting laid without a conscience is definitely better than not getting laid with one.

Nooman out