One of the Boys

Girls who think they are one of the boys, or Homies Why would we want to hang out with women, who consider themselves "one of the boys?" You are not boys, god gave you breasts and now you have to live with that, deal with it. If you want to be treated like a boy, find a girlfriend, and have at er. If you want to be treated like "one of the boys" then dont get upset when we talk about other women. Dont get upset when we talk about tits and ass. Because that is what boys talk about. And dont get upset about us talking about wanting to hook up with your friends. Because that is what boys want to do. If you really were "one of the boys" you would be hooking us up with your girlfriends. Hell, if you did that, you would actually be a pretty good friend. But NO, that is not what you are about. The only women that can be treated like "one of the boys" are girls who are dating "one of the boys". There is a strict code that all men, when sober, adhere too. And that is we should not date, or attempt to sleep with a brothers girlfriend, past girlfriend, or future prospect. Unless of course the brother in questions gives his thumbs up. Now to you women this might sound like you are being treated like livestock. But this is the rule. If a guy calls dibs, no matter what happens, he is the one who will decide whether you actually get to hook up with the brother in question. I have come to realize a few things about girls who want to be "one of the boys." The truth is they dont actually want to be one of the boys. They actually want to have the benefits of having six or seven boyfriends, but dont want those boyfriends to have any of the benefits of having a girlfriend. True, there are those girls who consider themselves "one of the boys", who get the benefits of having six or seven boyfriends, and who also provide those six or seven men with the benefits of a girlfriend. There are names for both of these types of girls, but I will not use either of them here, after all this is a family blog. So, for all of you girls out there who want to be one of the boys. Find a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, and get on with your life. Because for those of us who are trying to find such a person, you are a real waste of time. If after you find a boyfriend, you still feel the need to hang out, and we still feel any desire to hang out with you, then possibly, and only possibly mind you. Will you be considered ONE OF THE BOYS. ie BRAT, you are one of the boys ie single female 1,2 or 3, you are not one of the boys I AM COG HEAR ME ROAR

Ninton the COG

It is unfortunate that we do not get to choose our own nicknames. This is something that is left to the minds of more skilled and less vengeful people, like your "friends". Because of this, I have, as of recent months, been given the fun and humorous title of "Ninton the COG". What does COG stand for you ask, Well CREEPY OLD GUY of course. I must admit that I sort of brought in on myself. Yes after a few beers I have been known to ogle, and stare, especially when in the company of hotties 15 years my junior. Oh what a sinner am I.

But how does one lose this title? How does one hold his head high in public, knowing these scarlet letters are embranded on his forehead? Quite easily actually. There was a time when the acting profession was looked down on. There was a time when telemarketing was looked down on, and there was a time when it was creepy for a 36 year old man to look at a 21 year old girl with lust in his eyes, but those times are behind us. Today COG's can be found in every corner of society. They are at the workplace, in your church, at the mall, hell one might even be sitting beside you right now in studyhall.

But let me assure you the COG is a better option for all you hotties out there than any SYG. Yes the SYG. Yes thats right the STUPID YOUNG GUY. You know, the guy who is with the girl the COG is staring at. For the COG was once the SYG. Yet The SYG does not realize that in a few short years he will be the COG. And the COG will have matured into a DINK (Dual income no kids), and this in its most ample sense is what every women is looking for. So ladies, remember that a COG is closer to becoming a DINK, than any SYG you know. So if you are smart, you will play your cards accorrdingly.

I AM COG HERE ME ROAR

All Quiet on the Western Front

It looked like something out of Vanilla Sky this morning on the way to work. The roads were bare. The odd car made you think you were in a small town on a Sunday, but this was Calgary on a Tuesday. Once I got to work, I realized the extent of the holiday spirit. I was here, and my staff were here, but pretty much everyone else was not. Rick...Sick. Brian...still has his kid (ya right). Darren...well Darren showed up for a bit and realized that no one is in their offices around town either. There is no work really for me to do, so I will probably just go home and get cracking on some housework, or maybe rent another movie. Watched a couple of good movies last night on dvd. One was called the island, it was a crazy science fiction film, with clones and the whole bit, a good "thinker" with a super hot girl in the female lead, I need to find out what else she is in. The other was the Fantastic four, what can I say JESSICA ALBA hello, "sooooo hot, want to touch the hiney". After movies, I watched the Trailer Park Boys christmas special. TOO FUNNY. I was able to speak with Herb regarding my research paper at Lodge. He gave me some helpfull hints. The first being that I should only use reference material to back up something I have to say, and not to actually say it. So I went back, took out the quote I had used from Barclay, and proceeded with my thoughts. The outcome was awesome. The paper just seemed to flow. I hope Herb likes the new version. He has been so helpful, yet so quiet. You can tell he was a good judge. His comments are very well thought out. He doesnt say, "this is wrong" or "this is right" He just says, "You need to tell us your ideas on this", and you need to "justify your thoughts on that" I look so forward to hearing what he has to say and then fixing or adapting my work. It is nice to have feedback during the process. I really need to find a working editor for my fiction. I need to find someone I trust, who understand the vision I have for my work. Someone who sees the end product, maybe not the same way as I do, but someone who can help me along the way, and ask questions of me. Questions that I am afraid or too much of an idiot to ask myself. Herb is showing me, through simple directions, how to get from point a to point b. If it were not for him, I would have already written two papers of complete nonsense. And thus I wonder how much nonsense, is still infecting my fictional writing, without a working editor. The only real problem is cost. A final edit runs aroud five hundred smackers. I could not imagine how much I would end up spending, if I had to have someone edit my work, lets say every ten thousand words or so. I am sure in the end it would add up to five or six grand. That is way too much. Or is it? How much of a price tag do you put on a better product? That is the age old question, and one that I need to get an answer for, because right now, having an editor on this paper that I am working with, seems like a dream come true. TTYL

Great End to a Weekend

Well in a few more hours I will be asleep and the christmas weekend will all be a wrap. For the most part, things went well this weekend. I got to see jenna and Fysh, I got to see Angie, and I got to see my family. I managed to eat my weight in turkey and stuffing. And I managed to get some pretty cool gifts. I got a great pair of Cuff links and matching buttons. I got a bunch of clothes. I got a couple of gift certificates. And I got some cash. I got. I got. I got.

Today was a pretty good day as well. Went to Chinook to do some shopping, and let me tell you, there are plenty of things to look at on Boxing day in Chinook mall. All of which however, are illegal in one way or another lol. After some shopping at Chapters, I went to the Cinema, and caught Steven Speilbergs new movie Munich.

Now I am not a Movie Reviewer, but this movie was pretty good. Although its story centered around the Israel kidnappings at the Munich Olympics, and the tit for tat politics that followed. There was a resonance, to our current worldwide drama. It made me think, just how long this has been going on? It seems that with our short attentions spans, we think that this fight, this conflict, is something that comes and goes. But I am beginning to realize that this fight between different ideologies has probably been going on for some time. One might say forever. Its drama in the world, also seems to resemble my own internal struggle for Purpose and Identity. The Israel, the nomadic longing for home, and the desire to do anything, at any cost to get it. And Palestini, the internal belief that we somehow had it, but someone has taken it from us. Each of us, set on one side of the trenches or the other.

But Speilberg was able in the end, to allued to some crossroad in the human narrative. Some point in our own inner struggle, where we realize that the only sane thing to do, is walk away. And, as a christian might say, "Pick up our cross."

Boxing Day

Well tis the day after christmas,
And all through my flat
are the piles of laundry
and the presents brought back

But with money from stockings
and Gift cards galore
Its time to go shopping
Especially the Book Store

Where Huxley and Lewis
Michener and Peck
are waiting on shelves
For my morning treck

I will be back later
with bags of goodies
I will write my blog then
for all my groupies (hilarious)

Chinook

Does one ever really get used to Chinooks. There are just a few days left before christmas. There is not a single flake on the ground, and my winter jacket is probably crumpled-up on one of the chairs on my patio. The windows to my apartment can be opened wide. I just had a milkshake. This is not normal. Scanning my blogs from last month, I can see that we have had some winter already, but you cant tell from looking outside. Santa is going to have to put goodyears on the sleigh this year. Meanwhile I still have a couple of gifts to purchase, either today or tomorrow. I think we are all going to cut out of here early tomorrow, and get some eggnog like the rest of the people in the free world. I wish I did not even have to come in tomorrow, but I will. Dont really have much else to say. I am feeling a lot better, and am really looking forward to next week when i get my check with my bonus on it. Still not sure what I am gonna buy with it, but I will definatly be doing some shopping. I think I want to get a table/wine rack from ikea. It will look awesome in the corner of my apartment by the dining table. Very grown up lol. Anyway, I have to run. Hope everyone has a very merry xmas and a happy new year

A visit with a Pastor

Well I had a visit with my pastor today. It was a great chance for me to get some things off my chest and just talk with someone about what is going on. It was a real credit to my friends, that much of the advice he gave me, was similar if not the same to what Tappers told me last night. I guess the most important thing here is for Kelly to seek help. It is something that I cannot help her with, and doing so, puts us both in precarious positions. So if you are reading this Kelly. You will always be my friend but you need to get better, and you need to do that on your own. I dont want you to think I am turning my back on you, but you need to work this stuff out. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, but for now that is all that I am strong enough to offer. I hope you understand that, this is not easy, but this is the right thing to do. Thank God for work. It is amazing how therapeutic work can be. Just put your head down and focus on a job. It keeps your mind from thinking of other things, and trying to solve the problems of the world. I think I am just going to veg at home tonight. God knows I should do some laundry, but I think I am gonna push it to the weekend, and just relax. I was also told to watch myself and try not to slip into drinking the ideas out of my head. I know I am guilty of that from Saturday, and sort of last night, but I will try and focus and keep it real. I will be laying around in my new pajama pants that Jenn got me for xmas. (replacing the ones she tore over the summer) They are a bit big but comfy as hell. I guess she told me I owe her a carpet clean, so I might have to take the portable home over the weekend, give them a quick steam. I would just like to thank everyone who had words to share. Thanks for the phone calls, the emails, and the love, I am lucky to call you friends. God Bless

Suicide

It has been a few days since my last entry. This weekend will not soon be forgotten. It caused a flood of emotions and memories from my past, as well as was trying in itself. I will attempt to piece it together here, both for my own record and in an attempt to sort through my thoughts. Friday evening was a great night. Timmy, Bonnie, Mike, John and I all played Poker till about 3am. It was nice. I broke even. Tim was the big winner, and Bonnie the big loser. I was a little upset with Kelly for drinking at the party, but I was not in the mood to get mad at her, but I did a little and she was a bit upset before bed. Sometime in the middle of the night she woke up and started drinking, so that when I finally woke up she was pretty much drunk and chatting online. I did not really know how to react to this, so I simply wanted to get away from the situation. I recommended that we go for something to eat. The topic then got on when I was going to send her home. I told her nothing had really changed and that I would take her home Sunday morning, but I was getting a bit sceptical about taking her to the xmas party. We then left the house and began to drive. The conversation soon got on whether I should just put her on a bus and send her home right then. The conversation digressed and it was decided that she did not want to eat, and that all she wanted to do was go home to sleep. So I rounded the corner and took her back to my place. We argued about me leaving her alone, as I was worried she would just get more intoxicated. She pleeded with me, and said "Let me prove it to you, Let me prove that you can trust me." I still did not trust her, so I took all the booze out of the fridge and packed it away. And then I left to go to Crush for lunch and a pint of beer, as I was pretty stressed out from all of this already. Lunch at Crush was nice and relaxing. I ate, had two pints of beer, and decided it would be nice to just go home have a nap, and let the whole morning just disappear. I also hoped Kelly was sleeping off her morning, and that the day could still be salvaged. I remember walking in the apartment, and noticing the bedroom door was open, even though I remember shutting it. I thought to myself, that Kelly must be awake and reading or something, but I was not in the mood to talk to her so I just laid down on the sofa and closed my eyes, while listening to the Patriots game on the television. I do not know how long i laid there. I awoke to Kelly asking me if I would go down to the car and get her purse, apparently her meds were in there. I remember saying something like, "I will get them in a bit" and her rebutting "I need them now." I was quite angry and did not really look at her. I brushed by her and went down to the car and got her meds. I came back upstairs. She met me at the door with a jeans and a towel around her. I plopped her purse down on the floor and said, "there you go". She said "No bring them to the bathroom", I said "take them to the bathroom yourself." She started walking away from me toward the bathroom. As I walked behind her I started to notice blood on the towel. As the bathroom came into view, there was blood everywhere. The bathwater was red, and a few rags where in it. There was a knife on the side of the tub. I just started yelling "what the fuck, what the fuck." I did not even see the cuts on her wrists, my mind was just trying to take in everything, so I just kept yelling "what the fuck, what the fuck". When my mind finally started to process things, I grabbed the knife so she could do no more harm to herself, and called 911. From there it is a blur, as my mind started to flip back and forth between my bathroom and Club Traffic back in 1993. Now for those of you who dont know, I was managing a club called Club Traffic back in 1993. It was the first club I ever worked in, and one that cost me a lot emotionally, and psychologically. One night a friend of mine named Kelly (now isnt that coincidense) was in the club with a few friends. And if memory serves me correctly it was around xmas time as well. A couple of black promoters were having a hip hop night. The club was sort of going in that direction with Saber sort of spearheading things. Anyway, It began to look like something was going to happen between Kelly and his girlfriend, and a bunch of black guys. So to difuse the situation, Saber snuck them out the back, and we told them to just eat some humble pie and just go home. Kelly and his girlfriend left out the back, but being idiots, they drove around the front and Kellys girlfriends, being drunk, started yelling racial comments. I stood on the front porch and watched this unfold. When I realized that the mob of people was pulling her from the truck, I ran in to make the 911 call. The rest gets a little blury, and I even spent the next year with a nice Detective named Detective Elms from the Edmonton City Police. For months we tried to jog my memory, but nothing came forward that could help them find the suspects. I just realized I did not say what happened. Anyway, while i was on the phone with 911 Kelly emerged from the mob, with obvious stab wounds all over him. At that time, I passed the phone off to the door girl and ran outside. I tried to put Kelly into a postion that would lessen the shock. I think I covered him to try to keep him warm. But basically I just held him, and listened to the sirens that seemed to be miles away. When they arrived the police got us together and questioned us. We all waited on pins and needles for hours, as the police questioned and took pictures and all that stuff that goes on in a homocide investigation. Apparently he was pretty much DOA, but he fought back and a few days later was in ICU. From what I recall his parents moved him back to Medicine Hat. But mentally he would be a teenager for the rest of his life from the trauma. That was pretty much the last I heard of it. That episode, in retrospect caused me to make some strange decisions over the next few years. Life sort of took on a surreal tone. I never did seek councelling for that event. I just sort of did what I always do, I gritted my teeth and I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I thought that was the right thing to do. I do not know how many of my mistakes and errors in judgment stem from that event. Questions about mortality often lead us to do crazy things. But I do know that part of the reason I went to Europe was that I was tired of listening to that 911 call over and over again. I liked Detective Elms, but I felt like the system was torchering me, and not letting me just forget the whole thing. I was very angry at the "system" and like I said many of the things I did after that event, that were not really me, stemmed from that anger at the system. It took almost ten years for me to deal with that anger, and stop fighting the system, ten years living underground, making ends meet however I could. It was a very dark part of my life. But that all ended in 2003, and I began to try to become the Ian Newman that I was meant to be. The rest is history, or so I thought. After EMS and the Police had taken Kelly away on Saturday, all those memories came back. While I was cleaning the blood off the walls, and the tub, and the floor. I realized that I still have not fully dealt with some of the incidents in my past, and wondered if I ever would/could. I spent Sunday and Monday sort of in a daze that I am just now starting to emerge from. I am debating seeing a shrink. Maybe there is more here that meets the eye. Maybe I am a bit more fucked up from some of my life experiences then I thought. God knows that these are not the only two terrible things I have witnessed. Maybe I need to see a psychologist. I do not know. I will need to think about it a bit more. A lot has happenned, I just need to sort it out. I hope I look back on this entry in a week, with a clearer head. But I am glad I have this blog to try and sort it out as well. To all my friends who have access to this blog, I hope I am not acting too weird right now. Things will get better soon.

Payday comes, and Payday goes

I think Alberta Health Care must know exactly when we get paid, because no sooner had my cheque gone in my account, than a nice big fat pre-authorized payment came out. And for those of you who dont know, I was a bit behind with the old health care lol. So what was suppose to be an awesome big cheque, is now just another cheque, damn bills lol. Anyway, this week has been pretty hectic with the audit and all, but I did manage to get it done. We got a whopping 69%, not up to COR standards but close enough that I think we can get there in the next few months. It was just nice to finally get it done and over with, but I am gonna wait to send it to the ACSA. It would be nice if Darren looked it over first, actually he has to sign it, so I guess I have to wait lol. I have to go to Chinnook tonight and get the last of my presents, as well as return one that no longer is appropriate, and I guess the only good thing about that is, that now I have a bit more money for other gifts. As luck would have it I went to pick up my dads gift just a few moments ago, and low and behold they are all sold out. Here I am expecting to get the gift for a major good deal, and bam, no more. Now I have to search for something similar, and this will no dounbt cost at-the-least a couple hundred dollars more than I was going to have to pay at excess cargo DAMN. Luckily he is the last family gift I have to buy, the rest are just for friends and should not cost that much. As long as I am being sensible :-P Well what else. Kelly is in town again. I guess she had her bags stolen on the way to fernie, so she didnt even get to go snowboarding, what a dumbass. Looks like she will stay with me for a couple of days. I basically told her she is welcome, but if she starts drinking, or partying, and turns into an idiot I will either put her on the bus or drive her home myself. Sounds like she will come to the office xmas party with me, and then I will drive her home Sunday morning and then head to the Wassail by 5pm. Man this weekend is packed. Dinner with Kimmi tonight. My party Friday. Office Party Saturday. Drive Kelly home and the Christmas Wassail on Sunday. At least next week looks like a nice calm week to relax and try to speculate on what I am gonna get for xmas. But I also know that if memory serves me correct I can expect a good dose of depression around midweek next week. Undoubtably LeeAnn will get in my head and the beer will start flowing. But who knows, maybe this year will be a first. Anyway that is all from me. CYA on the flipside

A Boston Pizza Xmas

Well I was suppose to go to the Boston Pizza XMas party with Kimmi last night BUT she was home sick. However, I decided to go anyway with Kelly and Ryan. No sense in missing out on a good drunk just cause Kimmi is sick. I will have to take her out for dinner before christmas. Actually, I just texted her, and dinner is on, Sushi on Thursday. Anyway the party was pretty good. It was sort of a cross between a wedding and a high school keg party lol. Everyone was so young, so the antics were priceless. Ryan, kelly, Tammy and I got pretty drunk. Tammy is Kelly's sort of roomate, the one Brendan was fooling around with. She works at Boston Pizza and at Fabutan, and is pretty cool. We all drank to excess, ate a tonne of food, danced, drank more, played pool, and finally dranks some more. I just have to mention that there was this one break dancing kid there that was awesome. Probably only 17 but he was all over the place on the dance floor. Break dancing is one of those things that either your good at, or you look like an idiot for even trying. This kid was amazing, doing like crazy back spins, and different gymnastic Kips, very cool. Work is going ok. I am working on our Safety Audit, and things are on schedule to have it completed by the end of the week. Once it has been submitted then I will become a certified auditor for the ACSA (Alberta Construction Safety Association). It will also give me the credentials to create Safety programs for any construction company in Alberta, and/or audit them for certification. So if I want to solicit business on the side, I could make a pretty good part time job out of it. However, it is very time consuming. It still sounds like I will be overseeing the safety programs company wide once we get our COR here in Calgary, which should happen in Feb/March. SO things are looking up. I also got a nice raise this month for finally getting all my certifications. NICE Not much else is happening in my world. Christmas is quickly approaching, and for once I am ahead of schedule. Most of my presents are ready to wrap. Still dont know what to get Danny but I will figure that out by the weekend. I am having a christmas party on Friday night at the apartment. Food, Music, and a Poker table so that should be fun. Lydales Xmas party is also this weekend at Yuk Yuks, still not sure if Jessica is coming. If not I will have to find another date. I am sure that wont be a problem, but it would be nice if Jess came. That is all for today, cya on the flipside.

Adventures with Kelly

Well, on the good side there was never a dull moment. Kelly pulled into town last night on her way to Fernie, or at least that was the plan. Unfortunately she decided to drink en-route (I think you know where this one is going). She called me around 9 and I went down to the bus depot to meet her, and low and behold she is hammered out of her tree. Stumbling, the whole bit. But I shrug it off, thinking oh well she is going skiing no harm no foul. So we head off from the bus depot to try and get a cup of coffee. The conversation quickly turns downhill, as I realize that Kelly is on her way to meet people she possibly does not even know. We talk a bit more, and she also reveals that she told her mother and father that the people she is going to stay with are friends of mine. The only problems is I dont know these people. So I am like "why did you get me involved in this whole thing?" For which she just laughs and gives me her drunkn SHHH SHHH. Which juat made matters worse. The next thing I know, I have dropped her off at the bus depot and wished her farewell. Back in the van my conscience gets the best of me and I find myself on the phone with Nelson (Kelly's father). When he learns that she has been drinking, and that I do not know the people she is going to visit red flags go up and a plan is set in motion to stop her on her journey. Now this was not an easy task. Argueing with a drunk is hard at the best of time, but this is Kelly we are talking about. Luckily her behaviour deteriorated, and security asked her to leave the bus depot. I say Luckily, because up to this point she actually believed I was going to let her continue on in the state she was in. The Security guard and I got her out to the van, and loaded her stuff, and off we went to Red Deer, where Nelson would meet us. Now the drive was funny, because every 15 minutes Kelly would forget where we were going and would start a fight as to why she could not see her parents, and tried to convince me why I should just drop her off at a hotel, or let he come over to my place. But then she would calm down, fall asleep and the process would begain, 15 minutes later. It was trying on my patience, but I managed to get through it. Did not get home till around 1:30 so I did not get much sleep and am a little sluggish today. I think I will try to call her in a bit, hope she is not too mad at me, but hey, you gotta look out for your friends, even if it is a little embarrassing having your father drive to Red Deer to pick you up.

Massive Slips in Judgment

Well what can I say, but I think I will try to erase the last 2 days from my memory. I will not dwell on them, as I have spent the last 24 hours kicking myself in the ass, but suffice it to say, I abused myself and my friends on Friday with my behaviour. To my credit I did try to get away from the situation, but as is so often the case with life, when you run from something, sometimes it follows you home. Spent most of yesterday in a funk. Spoke with Jenna and Angie, as I was suppose to go to Steve's going away party at Halo, but was a little too mad at myself to let that happen. It sounds like Angie is doing well, and hopefully we will hook up when I go to Edmonton at christmas. As well Kelly really wants to come down and spend some time here, but I know that is not the right thing for either of us. I will just wait till xmas to see her. It is funny how friends seem to pop up at those moments when you really want to just be left alone, and other times when your heart is aching for them, they are nowhere to be found. I did not get to see Chronicles on Friday, but luckily for me, Richot has planned to see the movie with a group from church today. So I spoke with him, and we will be meeting at the theatre at 3pm..awesome. There was also a new girl in church today, stunning. I think maybe I have seen her before, but I am not sure. It looked like she was helping Richot with some stuff, so maybe she is a ABC student, who knows, but I hope she will be at the movie too. Not often a girl comes to church, giving off the vibe she did. Church was cool today. It was the childrens christmas pageant, and as can be expected the cute-factor was at an all time high. We all started in the main room, and then the children took us on a journey, into the gymnasium, and to various little stages, where they performed a variety of skits. We all pretended to be people journeying to bethlehem in order to pay our respects to the baby Jesus. It was fun, interactive, and I think the kids enjoyed putting it on. Everyone was in the festive mood, so hugs were everywhere, and that was nice. There was a potluck afterwards but I did not stay, as I needed to pick up some drying equipment from an old-age home I have been working in all week. Well not much else to say accept, I think I am over the hump, sometimes bad things happen in order to let you focus on them, draw a line and say."This ends here". Irony is a funny thing, but when you recognize it, it is also very liberating.

Chronicles of Narnia

Well I have been waiting for over a year now, and finally December 9, 2005 has arrived. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe opens today, and if all goes well I will be hitting the matine this afteroon. I will be doing this so as to avoid long lines and a plethora of screaming kids. Now first of all, let me make a few comments here. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe was probably, if memory serves me correctly, one of the first books I ever read. I remember holding the well-worn paperback in my hands. Like most children I laboured at the words, but once inside the books imaginary world, the real world seemed to disappear. It was winter and I was acustomed to playing in the woods by my parents house . We had a fort there (stephen, bonnie, scott, and I), and there was a clearing with a large rock in the middle that we all used to hang out around. I must have been around ten. Anyway it was winter and I was sitting on that rock or more correctly that boulder, and the path to the clearing was white with fresh snow, with only a few of my own steps littered upon it. I remember that white path like it was yesterday, and I remember that very image when I think of Lewis's first literary image of Narnia, the only thing missing, was the streetlight. I am hoping that as I watch the movie this afternoon, Lewis will somehow take me back to those days, playing in those woods. If the movie is able to do that, it will be worth every penny. Now since those childhood days, I have had the opportunity to read much more of Lewis's library. Including Mere Christianity, Four Loves, and Till we have faces. What a diverse scholar. If you had to make a list of writers that you would like to spend the day with, in an attempt to both learn the craft and to understand the world a little better, Lewis would have to be in the top 5. He has a nack for both fiction and non-fiction, and because of his education you must always search deep into the allegory and metaphor of his works, he is a master. But of all his works The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe will always be my first love. Like a first kiss, that white snowy path is carved across my mind, available to look back on, whenever the world seems a little too hard to handle and out of control. Aside from the movie today, I am planning on hanging out with Sarah tonight. I was sort of hoping that a bunch of us could get together, including Sarah and Jessica, but it sounds like Jessica is busy all day. The plan is still to go bowling, but that has been my plan for the last couple of Fridays and it always ends up the same, drinking at Crush. Sarah doesnt really like doing the lounge thing, so if I end up at Crush, more than likely I will not see her tonight. But I am really gonna try my best not to go to Crush, and follow through with my plans with her. We have tried to get together and do something for a couple weeks now, but too no avail. Two weeks ago she fell asleep instead of coming over for movies, and last week she was suppose to come with Jtag to Crush but never showed up. I guess her and Jtag are hanging out and talking more, Hey maybe if Jtag is working we could go see her tonight....that sounds like a plan. I still have not been to Jtags new place of employment. Anyway, I should go. The crews are all off to their jobs. Its Friday so the odds of catching an adjuster in their office is slim to none, so like most Fridays, its time to clean off my desk, do my scheduling for next week and then get the hell out of here. Cya on the flipside

Getting better

Well the week has been a strange one. I have spent the last two days recertifying my Auditors Course for the Alberta Construction and Safety Association. Things went well, and I actually learned a lot more this time around. I am still hoping to do Lydales Audit prior to Christmas, and hopefully get our COR designation by the end of January, which will be really cool, because then we will be able to bid on jobs for the government and other larger bodies. Spent most of last night writing my research paper for lodge. It is coming along nicely, although it seems to be taking some unexpected turns. I guess because of the title, most of my research has been focused on certain passages of the New Testament. Which coincides nicely with my current reading schedule. It is kind of nice to be able to use some of the knowledge you pick up along the way, and plop it into a short paper like this one, and I am confident I will have it completed on time. As for the novel, things are progressing nicely. I still need to get my head around whether I have Ben in a coma during alternating chapters or not. I am worried that it will come across too sketchy, and the reader will start thinking too deeply into the story. Natalies character is finally taking shape. I am slowly finding some of her inner self and her strength and weaknesses, but it has been a hard battle. The diary entries are hard to write. Well that is not true the first one was easy. But the one i am trying to write right now is a bit harder. The entry will be written on the day she receives her acceptance to college. I need to put a lot in this entry in order to build the tension between Ben and Nat, as this will be close to the last time the characters are seen together till the end of the book. Other than that I need to find a name for her antagonist, or should i say her rival. I like the name Lucy. Or should I say I like what Findley did with the name. I love the allusion to Lucifer being played by the blonde haired and blued eyed Rich Bitch. But I will need to think about it more. And that is about it on the novel front. As you can tell from my last few entries, things have not been that great in my personal life. But hopefully they will get better. It looks like I might be losing a very dear friend. Over what, I have only the slightest clue, but lets just say gossip and heresay are involved. I hope we can get over it but if not I guess I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other like I always do. It looks like I am gonna go bowling with a girl I havnt seen in quite awhile, sort of put her on the shelf, I guess you could say. Decided to call her yesterday and she sounds keen on hanging out, and doing something other than going to the bar. So yes life does go on. I am also thinking about going up to edmonton on Saturday to visit Jenna, she called last week when i was leaving Brendans, and she sounded pretty down. I think maybe I need a Jenna hug, and maybe a visit to Y, to see how Tianna is doing behind the water bar. Last time I saw her she was spinning records too, so maybe she will be djing on Saturday that would be way-cool. Think I really need to see the edmonton crew, Calgary is a little fucked up. But I will keep you posted on that one. Hmm not much else to say. Work is good. Got another raise this month which is cool, but it looks like I might be taking on the responsibility for the safety programs in all our alberta offices, if it goes well, I will get free reign to travel to edmonton, lethbridge, and hey maybe even saskatoon, that would be nice. Anyway I gotta run, talk to you tomorrow

Just another Low

Well it has been over a month now since I started writing these damn blogs. It has been fun. It has also been quite revealing. Being able to look back on my exploits and emotions is kind of eerie. I have always had a journal, but the novelty of it wore off long ago, and entries are few and far between, usually accompanying some traumatic, or sensational experience. But the blog have been flowing quite regularly for some time, and have allowed me to get a brief look of my twisted life, and my sometimes manic behaviour.

The highs and lows are there for myself and the world to see. Entries that I can remember writing in an obvious state of depression, where, behind every word there is almost a suicidal meloncholy, and others written in some state of eros thinking that maybe there are women out there worth befriending. It is facinating for me to read, and it makes me question my own sanity. In my defence I have had a great deal of fun over the past few months. Too much fun. I got so wrapped up in someone that I actually was becoming dependent on hearing her voice, and asking how her day was. Looking forward to chatting or texting each other, hanging out, going for drinks, watching movies, chilling. You know actually communicating with another human being. But I guess that is not what we are here for. I guess we are suppose to make friends, and break friends with each passing fancy, and never weather the storms to build real friendships. Who needs the kind of friend you can count on, when things get tough, or you have a day when you dont want to go on. Or someone you can call, that just makes you smile. Nope I think I will stick with the ones you can live with out. The kind that when you say goodbye to them you dont really care whether you do or not. Those are the friends for me, cause frankly, and this is directed to you know who, you are the first thing i think of when i wake up, and the last before bed. And that is fucking pathetic, I feel pathetic for feeling like this. I am pathetic for feeling like this. Fuck this blog sucks, this whole things sucks, i am outta here

Time Flies

Well I cant believe I havnt done an entry since Tuesday. The week has pretty much blew by. Wednesday ended up being a drunken debauchery at Crush. Sat down with Ryan to go over the details on the play. But one pint led to another and bam there I am sitting at the bar again. Jessica came down after work, and well the rest is history, we pretty much closed the bar. I was not a happy camper at 6am thursday let me tell you. But hey a drunken night with Wayner, Taps, and Jessica....well that aint all bad. Yesterday was Installation at Lodge. I am now officially the Junior Deacon which is pretty cool I got to wear my new tux, white gloves and all. My memory work went pretty smoothly. There were a number of Grand Lodge Officers there, and many seemed keen on our play in February, so things look good. Did not get any time to talk to Herb about my paper, but it sounds like we will get together before xmas for a scotch and a chat. Today, well today so far so good. Just went for breaky with Jessica to Nelly's. I had the Huevos Rancheros and it was awesome, followed by a green sucker....nice. Before I take off for the day, I have to get some equipment secured for a job in Condor on Mon/Tue. Which is kind of a pain cause no one seems to have the right directions, and i have to get United rental to drop off a bloody sizzor lift and a space heater. And they charge me like 60 bucks an hour for delivery, so i can just see paying a driver for like 5 hours to find the place. But anyway Rick will be back soon and hopefully we can get this sorted out so I can enjoy my weekend. Tonight will be shits and giggles at Crush. The whole gang should be out in force, as Wayne heads back to Miami tomorrow...so i think you know where i am going with this....yup Wednesday all over again. But I am looking forward to drinking and having fun with friends, the last couple Fridays have been a little dramatic, but I think all that stuff is sorted out now, and I should be able to have fun without getting upset about stuff. But I will let you know for sure tomorrow. LOL As for the rest of the weekend. Hopefully chillin and watching movies tomorrow with whoever wants to come over...nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, say no more....And Sunday I will be going with Jessica to her Christmas party, that should be interesting. Anyway I have to get some work done so I can get outta here, I will talk to you soon.