Hmm no pictures from me

Well it would seem that Cory has the corner on hot vixens. Jason, well Jason seems to be following in Cory's footsteps when it comes to photo's in his blog. And well that leaves me with simple words. I really think I need to have a theme for pictures to put on my blog, so if any of you out there have any suggestions, please let me know, and I will search High and Low for some interesting photos to bring a little color to my blog.

This week has been pretty laid back, however work has finally started picking up. Four new jobs in the past 3 days means more work than i have seen in a month lol. So Cory and Jason better get ready to work. No more one hour breakfast and one hour lunch breaks all before noon. GET TO WORK SLACKERS.

Next week I am in Edmonton on my AMRT course. I am hoping to hook up with Fysh and Jenna, and if I am lucky I will get to go out on a date with the lovely Angie. Angie if you are reading this, you better keep at least one night open for dinner and a movie, or i am gonna kick your ass. Jason Condon goes under the knife next week as well, so it will be good to see him whilst he is in alot of pain and hopefully crying like a little baby hahaha. As for this weekend, Jenny is coming down to hang with tappers so hopefully we will be having a BBQ and Poker night at our place on Saturday night. (Jenny if you are reading this, I will expect you to bring at least one hot friend for me to hang out with, otherwise i am gonna have to hit on you, and well we all know how insecure tappers is LOL).

All interested parties (for BBQ and Poker)please give me a call and we will make sure we have enough hamburgers and poker chips for everyone.

HMM dont really know what else to say. No real creative sparks or things to bitch about so basically this blog is a bust. Catcha all on the B side

A great weekend

Well this weekend was a few things. As I stated before it was LeeAnns birthday, but luckily it was also the quarterly meeting of the Fiat Lux Lodge of Research in Edmonton. So, rather than sitting around thinking about it, I headed to Edmonton with a couple of the Brethren from Zetland. We also hooked up with my Dad in edmonton so basically I spent the day with him. Now that is pretty cool. I only see my father about 3-4 times per year. And I am not the, sit around the livingroom and make idle chit chat kind of guys. So it was nice to be in lodge, for five hours and just hang out. We probably spoke more on Saturday than in the past 4 years combined. SO whatevers ones thoughts are about masonry I site that as the answer to any criticism.

After Lodge we drove back to Calgary. Someone had spread the blasphemous rumour during the day about a snow storm, which had everyone paranoid. But the drive home was crystal clear. It was marked by interesting conversations between myself, Dan McNeil and Rob O'neal. It is nice to sit around with guys of such different perspectives and not feel self consious about what one says. Knowing that we can talk about even our deepest secrets and they will be held sacrosanct by a fellow mason.

Sunday was of course church. This week was family day at church so all the kids stayed for the sermon. You could Tell that Dyron changed things up this week to keep their attention. It was a little less "lecturish" and a little more "singingish" which was nice. But being who I am, I missed my weekly Lecture. On the note of the church I want to let everyone know that Campbell Stone has an updated web page. Dyrons sermons are available on it free of charge and in audio format. So for all of my friends who are hungover on sundays, or still partying on sunday morning. You can, if you want, listen to some intelligent, and thought provoking sermons any time you would like. Just click on CAMPBELL STONE in my Link column.

Hmm what else is new. Well the Oiler won again last night against Colorado, so that is a big win. Things look pretty good and I think the boys are going to make the playoffs which will make for some good nights in the coming months.

Baby Steps

When I was in my teens I used to be quite a good springboard diver. In fact I was probably one of the best divers at Kinsmen Pool in Sherwood Park. I was even recruited by a diving club from Edmonton, but because of my committments to the cadet program I was not able to join the club. It is also ironic that years later I would become friends with Olympian divers Dave and Larry Flewelling and a crazy high diver by the name of Dave Cooper. The later of which became a very good friend of mine. All three of these friends were members in the club that I never got to join, and yet we still ended up meeting.

Now without belonging to a diving club. I basically learned how to dive on my own. I practiced and practiced and practiced. I spent at least 10 hours a week in the pool, and I learned what I could from trial and error. However, when you learn on your own, you dont always learn how to do things right. My diving days ended in a flash. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was attempting for the third or fouth time, a forward two-and-a-half, off the three meter springboard. As I have already said, it was not my first attempt. I had completed it, and had a somewhat good visual in my head as to how to complete it. Now for those of you who have never been on a diving board, visualization is the key. Once the pattern is engrained in your head, you almost dont even need to think about it, your body just knows when to tuck, and when to pull out. You sort of float through the air, time kind of flows differently. It is a hard thing to explain for those who have never done it, but all my fellow divers and gymnasts out there, will know exactly what i am talking about.

Anyway, I thought I had it in my head. But I didnt. I severely over-rotated and ended up doing a three-and-a-quarter. Now for those of you that cant do that math, that is a belly flop. And not just any belly flop, cause when you are rotating that quickly it is really like getting whiplashed into the pool. I was unconcious for a few seconds, and remember floating to the surface, the pain was unbearable. I remember floating to the side of the pool and being greeted by the lifeguard. He was a friend. And he just looked at me and helped me out of the pool. My head was bleeding. As I was wearing a friendship bracelet, and it ripped the skin on my forehead, as my arms stretched out to reach the water, that I thought was still a a meter away.

The next thing I knew I was sitting in my bedroom watching television. I got up and walked into the living room, and told my parents that the last thing i remember I was in the pool. They told me that I had been home for over an hour. That i came in, told them about my dive, and went straight into my room. That was, at the time, one of the scariest moments of my life. I still have not been able to bring myself to even attempt that dive again. I still dive when i get a chance, and can still perform all the dives I used to, even if my new body makes them less asthetically relevent. But each time I stand on the three meter, I think about it. I also wonder why I did not go back to the pool and try to overcome the fear. Why did i let the fear stop me from something I loved so much, Diving.

For the last two years I have been afraid to pick up the phone. Afraid to call LeeAnn. Afraid to write her. I have convinced myself that it would be too much of an effort. That I didnt know where she was living, and that if she wanted to talk with me, she knew where I was. I did all of this knowing that LeeAnn is the type of person, just like I am, that would be saying the same thing. I let one of, if not my best friend in the world walk out of my life over a little argument. I once again let fear of failure dictate the course of my life. I chose not to try that dive again. I chose to stick with old dives and routines that I knew so well I could do them with my eyes closed. Rather than going through the pain of learning a dive infinately more complex, difficult and beautiful.

Today I mailed a package to LeeAnn. It was nothing special. I simply got back up on the diving board. I know these first couple of attempst might hurt. But I am gonna gamble on the fact that I just might learn something out of this. Even if it isnt a forward-two-and-a-half.

LeeAnn

Well it is that time of year again when my thoughts turn back toward LeeAnn. Every year I tell myself, "it wont happen this year." And yet every year it happens. Her birthday is on Saturday, and still we are not talking. I am not sure how many of you out there have very special friends who you have lost along the way, but for those who have, I am sure you know what I am going through.

I have put a small package together for her, which if I have the balls to send, I hope will find her well. It has been two years now, and in that time I have moved to Calgary, and only God knows where she is (last time I saw her she was in North Battleford doing her teaching practicum). It is that transient nature that is at least part to blame for our lack of communication. The other half would have to be blamed on a mutual stubborness. But I am hoping she is living happily in Saskatoon, and that the package that I am sending to her moms place finds her sooner rather than later.

I guess the one question I always end up asking myself, when I start thinking of LeeAnn is, "Why cant you just let it go?" For me LeeAnn represents everything that I lack. If the words of all those romantics out there are true. The words that say that when you find someone, they are like your other half. The words that say when you find someone, the two of you would be more than the sum of your parts. LeeAnn brought more happiness, sadness, love, and hate to my life than any woman before and any woman since.

Some say that I have put her on a pedistal. And I must confess that this is surely the case. But is that not what love does? And when you convince yourself that you will love someone for life, how do you concede? even in the light of all rationality, that it has ended and that you should move on? How do you stop yourself from not grasping at the slightest chance of reconcilliation? If you could, and you were a Jew living in occupied Germany would you denounce your religion? OR, would you live with the pain and the suffering, knowing that you were staying true to your heart and your God?

Now some may say that comparying LeeAnn with religion or god is not a proper thing. But if God is Love then my feelings for her, are identical with my feelings for God. Both relationships I will take to the grave. I could no sooner love another girl, than I could love another God. But I also know that God works in strange ways, and maybe, just maybe, He will take me down off this cross, and either bring us back together, or somehow allow me love someone else.

As always, when it comes to LeeAnn I make very little sense. So I am just going to stop this blog here, and try to get through the day.

St. Patrick vs. Lent

It was a cool, but sunny March afternoon. The fight had been scheduled for weeks and the two fighters stepped into the ring. In the near corner St. Patrick tipped the scales at little over fifteen stone. He was unshaven and smelling of Guiness. Dressed in Green shorts, with whiskey tassles, he danced a jig, over to his stool and took his seat, while his coach (Lucky Charms Leprochan) and his Trainer (Andy Capp), fanned him with a towel and greased up his face for the coming fight.

In the far corner stood the ever so tired Lent. Having been on fast since Ash Wednesday he looked alert, but somewhat fatigued. He weighed in at a little under ten stone. Rather than shorts he wore the dress of a pilgrim, white sheet and sandles, tied off at the waist. He looked ready for a long walk, but no one in the room believed for a second that he was any match for St. Patrick.

The Pope stood between them, the good book in one hand and holy water in the other. Calling the fighters to the center, the Pope said, "alright gentlemen, Lets have a clean fight. Shake. Return to your corners and come out fighting."

Patrick raised his right thumb to the side of his right nostril, pressed and blew. He repeated on the left side. Clearing both passages and leaving a slightly stain on the sheet draped over Lents body. He put out his gloves and the two fighters exchanged taps and returned to the corners. They both spun, faced each other and slowly moved back toward each other. The crowd was silent. This was not your normal fight. Many were afraid to take sides in the battle, unsure as to what would happen if they took the wrong side. Even the Pope, who stood between them was not sure yet as to who the victor would be.

As the two fighters came to within a pace of each other, Lent fired a quick but punishing blow to the mid section of Patrick and he was down. The crowd stood in disbelief as the Pope counted 1....2...3...4...5...6....7...8. The Pope stood up and raised the arm of Lent and the crowd sunk into a meloncholy. "there would be no drinking tonight".

St. Patrick continued to lay on the canvas, and soon the disbelief turned to concern. Quickly Lent grabbed the holy water from the pope and sprinkled it on the unconcious St. Patrick but to no avail. Lucky Charms the Leprochan came over with some cereal but that didnt help a bit. Andy Capp knelt beside the downed Patrick, bent over him and stammered, "Get up you Light weight!!!" His breath was pungent with guiness and whiskey, so bad you could smell it in the far corners of the room. It was obvious that Andy didnt care who won the fight, for he had been drinking for the whole of Lent.

But then a miraculous thing happened. St. Patrick started to twitch, as he took in long deep breaths of the foul breathed Andy. Andy yelled, "Get the man a Guiness, and a shot of Jamesons" An older preacher reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a flask of whiskey. Andy grabbed it and held it to Patricks face like sniffing salts. Patrick jerked and then sat up, grasping the flask and taking a long sip. A lovely lass with exeptionally large boosum was helped up onto the canvass. In her hands was a beautifully well crafted pint of Guiness. Once on the canvass she knelt bent over to hand the pint to Patrick. He looked up at the pint and the vision of loveliness that was this angel. He took the pint from her and stood up. The crown went crazy. And everyone looked at the Pope.

The pope took both fighters by the arm, and lifted them both into the air in victory. He then declared that the Guiness and Whiskey had performed a miracle and that the fight was redlared as a draw, and thus, everyone was allowed to both celebrate Lent, while at the same time enjoying the St. Patricks Day feast with meat, beer, and whiskey.

On a side note the Pope did not say whether the young St. Patrick was permitted to woo the fair lass for the evening, but it was assumed that what happens in the Pub, stays in the Pub.

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY......SALANTA.....LETS GET PISSED

Vivat - "He Lives"

Well I guess the seed was planted a few weeks ago. I had a dream that I could not really remember, other than the fact that I was in the dream and having a discussion with someone regarding the character of Jesus Christ. The phrase that was on the tip of my tongue when I woke up that morning was "God Begat Jesus, and Jesus Begat Me"

Now this is a strange thought to wake up with in the morning. And I have spent more than a few waking hours trying to figure it out. And then at table lodge the other day we concluded each toast with the latin word "Vivat" which roughly translates to "He lives". And for some strange reason my mind started to try to connect the two ideas. And then finally last night while in the middle of my Corinthian reading I had a thought.

Now it would seem that much of the Christian argument for Jesus being the Messiah is all the signs and symbols that alluded to him in the Old Testament. They claimed that if you go back and read the Old Testament, while being ever conscious of the story of christ, you will see the allusions to his coming all over the place. And I must confess, that when I do read the parts in question there is little doubt as to this build up.

So let us just assume that this is correct, and then let us ask ourself the same question about the New Testament. Does the New Testament not do the same thing? The New Testament's foreshadowings are woven throughout the text, and it is my thought that possibly these foreshadowings are not to the second coming of christ, but christ coming via all men (and women). What if each allusion in the New Testament is written and designed so as to work with every individual who hears it. Let me be a bit more specific.

Now in the story of Jesus we read of his baptism. (For everyone who does not know I am considering to be baptized on Easter, so this is heavy on my conscious right now.) Now when John Baptizes Jesus, we hear the voice of God say, "This is my son, and with him I am well pleased." Is this not what I want to hear. Is this not what every man or women receiving baptism wants to hear.

And that is just the Baptism. What if all the stories are actually signs, what if we replace Jesus' name with our name and refer back through the story. Ever conscious of our own successes, trials, and defeats. What if the New Testament actually foreshadowed every one of our lives. This would indeed be a profound thing. And this would indeed warrant a christian life.

Well those are my thoughts for today as I move ever closer to easter. I am not sure whether I am getting closer to christianity, or whether, I am slowly, and finally going off the deep end.

Confessions from Table Lodge

(A quick photo from Table Lodge. From left to right Timmy, Malcom Berry (Alberta Deputy Grand Master), Bert, Me, George Tapley (District Deputy Grand Master)

Well I set out to Zetland's 11th annual Table Lodge with every intent of holding to my fast. I had the caterer prepare me a special meal of breads, cheese and a light broth. And I even had juice to put into my cannon (glass). However, when it came time to charge my glass, I chose the wine. And then once having done one toast of wine, I kept them coming. Luckily I regained my senses before getting drunk, and made it home by eleven.

One of the biggest problems with any sort of committment is dealing with failure. I am prone to feeling overly guilty when I dont live up to promises I make with myself. When I go out with friends and cave to temptations, I can spend days or weeks in a sort of prison of guilt and self-ridicule, is this a good thing, or is this a bad thing? I am not quite sure. We all fall, and from falling we learn how to brush ourselves off, and stand back up. We can dwell on it, or we can just stand up. It is also my experience that dwelling can lead to an almost paralysis if it is allowed to fester in our minds. Thus when I woke up today, I made the conscious decision to, as Dyron would say "Think positive". I rolled out of bed, put both feet on the floor and said, "Just because you fell last night, does not mean the fast is over."

Too may times when I break a committment to myself, I view that break as something that brings the committment to an end. I view it like I am going to have to start the whole process all over again, but I know that this is not the correct way to look at it. And in the season of Lent, I dont think that this is the way christianity views the topic either.

As you know I am currently wading through the letters of Paul to the Conrinthians. And as luck (ya right) would have it, my reading today touched on failure in the guise of another topic. The topic in question, was non other than our ever beautiful carnal desires.

Now in the days of the early church, the christians of the day literaly beleived that the judgement was days, weeks or months away. They therefore beleived that part of their duty was to prepare themselves for the judgement. And so with this preparation Paul is asked whether or not the christian should be having sex. As sex was viewed as part of mans lower nature. That is, part of his animal instinct. And not part of his higher nature. That is his divinity.

To this Paul basically says, (in my interpretation that is) that sex is ok. That christianity is not meant to eliminate the the instincts and passions of man. But rather it is christianity's plan to use these things to glorify god. And yes even the act of sex can be used to glorify god. Sex can be something pornographic and adultorous, or sex can be something to glorify god as when a loving man and women unite.

So what does this have to do with drinking, or any other of activity that can be viewed sometimes as contrary to G-d and/or Religion. I believe it means that in any activity we can find Glory, or we can find Agony. Our goal should be to have a healthy relationship with our activities. Thus drinking in such a way that builds fellowship and friendships is a good thing. But to drink in a way that puts us at odds with friends and/or family is a bad thing. Even though I drank last night, I did it because, in my mind, it in some way brought me closer to the festivities and the brethren around me. And for this I should not feel guilty. So I guess in a way this blog is a sort of confession. And with all confessions it provides me with closure.

And so I will say good night. Good Night

The Gentiles

Ok maybe I got that analogy a little wrong, the gentiles would not have been like simple neighbors to the jews. To the Jews of Jesus' day the gentiles were almost subhuman. They were definatly 'unclean', and a well respecting jew would not be seen with these people. He would not eat with them, and he definatly would not do business with them. In fact as Barclay puts it, the jews believed the gentiles were there to simply stoke the fires of hell. They were expendable, they were like the blacks in south africa during apartheid, and they are like the palestinians of present day Israel. In other words, at least in a religious sense, the gentiles were the lowest of the low, and the jews felt in no way responsible for their 'gentilian brethren'

Now we must also remember what a gentile is. A gentile is everyone outside of the Jewish faith. So basically you are Jew, or you are nothing,"in their eyes". The Jews often refer to themselves as "The chosen ones of G-d" meaning them and them alone belong to G-ds family. So in a city like Corinth, a vast majority of the people are gentiles, and the rest of the known and unknown world would have been full of gentiles. So if you are going to start preaching a "revised addition" of an age old faith, and you want untold potential, you are going to need to find a way to include the Gentiles. I mean when you open a business you want to have as large a target market as possible. And the christians target market, was nothing less, than the entire human race.

(On a side note here, I find more Irony in this. Christianity was founded on the principle that the Jews did not have an exlusive relationship with their G-d. It preached that everyone has that same relationship with their G-d NO MATTER WHAT. And yet in todays world, you see and hear christians attempting to convey their own exclusivity to the their G-d. One of the hurdles I must overcome before I take the plung into christianity, is knowing in my heart of hearts, that I am not, in some way perpetuating this view. I see the Christian journey as a good way to live life, and to learn some things that I believe G-d wants me to learn. But I in no way believe that simply becoming a christian will bring me any closer to G-d. In fact my fear is that it may lead me astray. But, like with most things, I will put my trust in G-d and know that my G-d will be watching over me, even if christianity is the wolf in sheeps clothing.)

So back to Corinth. In Corinth, as in many other key citys of the day, the Christians set up shop. They began to preach the message of Jesus Christ. Many of these Christians like Paul and Barnabas, were also Jews, but some like Luke were gentiles. Part of the process in the beginning of christianity was convincing Jews that Jesus was the actual Messiah referred to in the Old Testament. And another part was both telling the story of Judaism to the Gentiles, and "adding on", that part of Jesus' teachings, allowed for the Gentiles to be included in this living journey to the promised land. This must have seemed crazy to the average Gentile.

We all know what it is like to be approached by some evangelical christian, or a mormon, or some other off shoot of the christian faith (which is just an off shoot of the Jewish faith). This is not too bad for a christian, because up until they start talking about where the schism occurs we are on common ground. However, to the Gentile there was no common ground. It would be like preaching the message of Luther to someone who has never heard of, or seen a Bible. They would be like "What the **** are you talking about?"

To be continued.....

Week One

Well today marks the end of the first week of Lent. Now for those of you who are not familiar with the Bible, there are a lot of sevens in it. In fact, 7 is sort of symbolic of a full set, or a complete set. Thus G-d created the world in 7 days, or a "complete set" of days. Thus the more sevens you get, supposedly the more complete something is. So, coincidentaly, Lent also runs over seven weeks, although it is a bit short. Does this mean Jesus was a few days short of a full set.

So now on to the Letters to the Corinthians. To start with lets talk about Corinth. Corinth was a city in Greece, and at the time of Paul it was a pretty crazy city. It would have lived up to everyones ideas of Togas, Orgies, and general debauchery. There was plenty of wealth in Corinth and it had a temple to the Goddess Aphrodite. Now back in those days these great temples to Aphodite were the home of the priestesses. And these priestesses to the Goddess of love were basically prostitutes. At night they would leave the temple and go down into Corinth to do their duty,(damn was I born in the wrong era).Collecting money for their goddess in return for a little schmoogly boogly. This is probably where much of the money came from in order to build some of the grand greek archetecture we know and love today, but that is just speculation on my part.

So anyway Corinth was that kind of town. So you can basically see why this is the type of town that the early christians wanted to peddle their wares. I mean if you are looking to make a little money on the guilt train, you definatly want it to stop in Corinth. But in Pauls defense we should always remember that these early apostles honestly beleived they were mending G-ds world. And they viewed the life that these people were living as something that should be fixed.

So the early christians establish a base in Corinth and begin to pass along the message of Jesus Christ. Now the funny thing about much of the New Testament is that it only really takes hold when Paul and the gang start to preach to the Gentiles, who were not Jews. Ironically enough, the message of Jesus Christ really doesnt make any sense if you are not a Jew. I will try to draw an analogy here, and no doubt it will make matters worse. Jesus Christ came with the Good News (Gospel). What the good news says in a nut shell is that God is not really this mean hearted war monger that he is made out to be in the old testament. Rather he is more like a loving caring father, who only wants what is best for his children. While there might have been a time when he was harsh with the jews, this was also more like a strict father trying to teach his children their lessons. It also sort of says that Jesus is G-ds way of bringing Adam back "into the fold" after his long time spent out of the Garden of Eden, after the original sin. Sort of like a father and a son reconciling. God the Father, Man the Son.

SO what does this have to do with the Gentiles, nothing really. It would be to them, like watching a neighbor reconciling a feud with there G-d. So then why did Paul choose to preach to the Gentiles. Well for starters the Jews didnt want to believe that Daddy was ok with everything. They were choosing to not listen to the Good News, and basically said, "you dont know what you are talking about." They continued to believe that in order to make daddy happy, everyone should obey the law to the letter and then, and only then will daddy be happy.

To be continued....

Plugging away

Well I can honestly say that when I woke up this morning I was seriously tempted to stop in and grab an egg mcmuffin. Most days you dont really notice the hunger. In fact, it would be wrong to even call it hunger. It is more like deep desire. Sort of like you feel on friday at around 2pm, waiting for that delicious pint. You are not thirsty, you just want to feel that ice cold lager heading for your belly. I wouldnt say that I am hungry, but the thought of chowing down on something that actually has taste and texture, is sometimes overwhelming.

Well i didnt get time to do an entry yesterday, because rather that sit at home and read, I decided to play in the freeze out poker tournament at the cash casino. Now for those of you who dont know, I have fallen in love with the game of poker. However, I am also too much of a cheapskate to play at a cash table. So poker tournaments are awesome. I have been lucky enough to make it to the final table twice, but have not been good enough to win a cash prize yet. Last night was no different. Out of the 87 people entered I place 12th. Which sucks, but I had a great night of poker. I learned a lot,and played against some excellent players. I am at the point with poker where I am learning the nuances of the game. Watching how a persons personality comes out in the way they analyze the risk of the game, and the way they attack the game. It would be fair to say that much can be learned at a poker table that goes far beyond the confines of the game. And if this is true, I still need to learn the lesson of winning. Or more appropriately of closing the deal. I am a great player through the nuts and bolts of the game. When the pressure is low, I make the right decisions and attack the game at the right times, I also know when to lay down the cards and just let the others fight it out. However, when i get near the end of a tournament, I am the rookie. I look at all the great players around me, some have even been on TV and I tend to be afraid to take a risk for looking the fool. I seem content to just watch them play their cards, and try to learn something. However, when you get to the final table the blinds are very very large so you need to pick a fight at the least every fifth or sixth hand, or you will simply be chipped out. And such has been the case for me during the final minutes of battle. I am entered in another tournament tonight, so I will let you know tomorrow how I faired.

On the home front, things are pretty hectic. Wayne will be living with us for another week or so, and then he is back onto the cruise ship. Tappers is all moved in,and up to his old tricks. Last night he strolled in at 3am with Jeanine partying at the top of their lungs and woke up Cory, who was not pleased when he got to work today. As well, Wayne didnt get any sleep, because he is sleeping on the Futon, and well Ryan and Jtag kept him up all night. Which is no good because he had to fly to red deer today, and from what I hear he just about ran into another plane. Now I am no pilot, but that cannot be a good thing. So anyway if Tappers is reading this, settle the **** down, and lay off the 'east coast sunshine' if you know what i mean lol.

As for today, things have been going pretty smoothly, so I will just leave it at that. Tomorrow I will give you an update on my reading, as I started Corinthians the other night. Not sure how it is gonna turn out, but if I remember correctly Corinthians is the most over-referenced book in the bible, expecially at Weddings, so be ready for some commentary on this one.

I bid you Adieu

I made it through the weekend

Well it is Sunday evening, which means not only have I lasted 5 days on this fast, but I got through the weekend without a drink. There are so many people I need to thank for this achievement, but I will single out Tappers for going to Edmonton last night. No doubt, had he stayed home he would have tried effortlessly to get me to go out. I am sure I would have held my ground, but it was nice to not even have to deal with the tempation. I would also like to thank everyone in edmonton for texting me at 5am to call me an idiot for not going to edmonton and partying with them this weekend. Thanks for the support. lol

Today was an interesting day. Going to church after fasting for five days is a tricky experience. Like i said the other day, my mind is not really all there right now. I find myself constantly in thought, and more times than not, I am thinking about religious matters. So, to go into church and have Dyron discussing Lent, Fasting and everything else that has been on my mind, was quite surreal. I also find it funny when preachers use the term Satan. I dont know why, it is just a funny word. The kind of word you expect from the middle ages. I also dont know why Dyron chose to use this word so much today but he did. I guess when your sermon touches on the topic of temptation it is as good a word as any. Anyway, because of my altered mental state from fasting I literally had to hold in my laughter everytime I heard the word. I wanted to yell out the line from the exorcist "The spirit of Christ compels you" "THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU" HAHAHAHA But i didnt think that would have gone over to well.

So anyway after church I stuck around for the annual meeting. It was like most committee meetings, and it was interesting to see what kinds of discussions the church has regarding the direction of the congregation. What I found most interesting was a brief discussion about the Youth. It has been my experience that churches seem to screw with teenages more than any other social group. The most tragic part of that, is how they screw with them, while at the same time believing they are helping them.

One of the elders of the church said some pretty good things. He expressed how important it was to give teenagers a good grounding before they head off to University, or into the "real" world. I could not agree with him more. But then in the same sentence he got on the topic of life being a serious game. A game of life and death. I was ready for him to use the words "fire and brimstone" but luckily he did not. I looked around the church and wondered, who in this room, could even come close to relating with what most of these kids are going to be dealing with in the coming years. Every one of them a parent living in a bedroom community, trying their damndest to keep the real world with all its pain and suffereing from entering into their lives. How can people who work so hard to seperate themselves from the hardships of life, relate to those who are going through it. It always strikes me as odd how elders can sit around and discuss how best to deal with youth, and yet very rarely do you see two generations over the age of twenty sitting in a pew together.

I also find this as odd at lodge as well. The older masons talking about a decline in membership, yet these same men all have grown adult sons or grandsons, and yet i dont see them coming to lodge. Why would someone not want to come to lodge with his father, hell that is the only reason i joined lodge.

But back to christianity. One of my misgivings about christianity, is that they seem to not want to look at the real world, the way that it is. They want to look at it from a position of "what it should be". I saw an interview the other night with Larry King and John Stewart. They were discussing politics and John was basically laughing at the state of the US political scene. Larry asked him who he supported and he basically said, "I would be happy if they could just agree on what is reality." He sited as an example a recent debate regarding euthanasia. Both parties looking at the same person in a vegatitive state. One camp suggesting she was half a yard from the grave, and the other contending she was a treatment or two from running the Boston Marathon.

And such is the state with christianity. One camp ready to accept the good news for what it is, and another preparing for the apocalypse. One group trying to turn the church into a political force, and another trying to simply to be better people. One group trying to lead the youth, and another walking with them. From what I have read, I must contend the best way to assure a group of people get to where you want them to go, is simply to take the journey with them. The unfortunate part of this in todays world, is society does not let us walk with them. I myself would love to work with teenagers and young adults. I know people like Ryan should be using their education degrees to work with these young people. Fysh does a great job working with troubled teens in the summer. And yet because we are not "proper adults" we are viewed as unacceptable to guide these young people. This is quite ridiculous considering how each of us does our best to influence and direct those younger adults within our spere of influence.

I tend to gravitate to young adults. I have always felt more comfortable with them because we have much in common. Things that i do not have in common with most men or women my own age. Namely, I am not a father, I am not a parent, and yet society for some reason feels like I should act as one. I do not understand this.

Anyway this blog is getting long, and is full of tangents and incomplete ideas. I should probably just erase the whole thing, but I wont. After all this blog is also sort of my diary, and I would like to be able to look back on this caffuffle of ideas another time.

The Third Day

Well it is early Saturday morning, and although my fast is on track I neglected to make a blog entry yesterday. My mind is definately starting to feel the effects of the fast. I guess it would be sort of like being high. Like you are in a dream. Nothing really effects you in any grand way, you just sort of let everything happen around you.

Friday is normally my day to let loose. I spent last night playing online poker, studying, and attempting to figure out Corys stupid blog. He has assured me that it is solvable. That everything you need is within his blog. But I am beginning to doubt it. For any of you with linguistic skills i suggest you click on "smartass cory" to the right of this entry.

My reading is going well. I guess I should update everyone on where I am and where I have been. In the fall I decided to embark on the edeavour of reading Barclays Commentaries on the New Testament. This is a mammoth undertaking, and at times I have just wanted to put the books down and say enough. But I have managed to get through a large portion of them. I have completed the Gospels of Mathew, Mark, Luke and John. I struggled through the Acts of the Apostles. And I have waded through the Paulian letters to Timothy, Titus, Philemon, Galatians and Ephesians.

I am currently re-reading the acts of the apostles. Why? Well it would appear that this is where it all began. This is where a small group of friends and followers of the man Jesus Christ decide create a Religion. Or if you dont believe that they decided to do it, this is where the "holy ghost" rose up and built a church using these people. But the story is full of questions. Questions that I believe lie at the center of the christian experience.

The most important question I am wrestling with regards the character of Paul. Now for those of you who dont know who Paul is, he is sort of the father of the church. Had there been no Paul, we probably wouldnt even be reading about this guy Jesus. Anyway, Paul, whos name was also Saul (there is a lot of this in the Bible, probably to make the task of actually getting your mind around the story too daunting). Now Saul was a Rabbi, and a man who persecuted the early christians quite horribly. This part of the story most christian know well. However what I found interesting was that in the book of Acts, Peter tells us that before Paul left for Demascus to find and persecute the Christians he asks for a loan from the Sanhedrin. (The Sanhedrin were like the ruling party of the Jewest sect. The Judges you might say). He was basically acting like a bounty hunter. He said, "credit me this money and I will bring these people to you in chains".

This is a strange thing for me to contemplate. I will need to do more research but it is my opinion that possibly the early christians had outstanding debts to the Sanhedrin, debts they had no means to pay. I believe that the Christian, after listening to Jesus Christ, believed that the debts they owed the Sanhedrin were unjust becuase the creditors had used the false name of god, to invoke a sort of durress over them. The God of the old testament, in the times of the old testament would have commanded a great deal of fear over its subjects. So if this is true, the Sanhedrin were more like a Religious Mob, and Paul was one of their wiseguys.

Now on his way to Demascus Saul supposedly see's Jesus, and this is the turning point in the Saul/Paul story. From this-point-on, Paul as he is now known is on the run. We do not hear whether he ever pays back this loan to the Sanhedrin, but it is my early conjecture that Paul was robbed, or, Paul simply stole this money. Because he knew he would never be able to repay it, he went on the run. Thus Paul is set on the Christian experience. It might be blasphemous to say, but it is my current thought that the early church was composed of a band of minor criminals, who, through Jesus Christ realized that the Jewish system they were living under had become extremely corrupt, and was basically extorting money from them through loans. This would also explain the use of the words which Jesus taught them to pray "forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."

Thus Paul, just like Moses before him, began to bring people out of the system of corruption into which they had been born, and back into to true light of G-d. It is also Ironic that this seems to be a recurring theme of the entire Bible. No sooner does one society free itself from persection and extortion, then, does it begin to persecute and extort from another. Jews escape the Pharoah. Christians escape the Jews. Muslims escape the Christians. Jews escape the Germans. And some would contend that the world is now in the midst of another persecution.

Well it is Saturday and I have much to do. I would love to hear any comments you might have. And if Dyron is reading this, I would love to hear your thoughts on some of my assumptions. I doubt you will have room in the comments column but you can email me or talk to me tomorrow after church.

Fasting and Sacrifice

Normally I fast twice a year for a period of two weeks. Normally I fast simply to clean out my insides, or to get a start on a diet. Normally my fast has little or nothing to do with Religion. This fast is different. And so far the experience is absolutely different.

On my normal fasts, my mind tends to focus on fitness. Instead of eating I work out. I think about the weight I am trying to lose. I am sure this is the same psychology for any type of sacrifice. When you give up something you tend to think a lot about why you have given it up? So not surprising, a lenten fast tends to invoke much thought toward God in General, and this character of Jesus Christ in particular.

Now I am by no means an authority on christianity, but I am trying to figure it out. I am trying to understand it. And I believe that there is much in this Lenten fast as far as spiritual fodder goes. Some have campared the Lenten fast with a sort of walk in the wilderness. A way of understanding the despair one feels when they feel lost and out of the grace of God. One might say starving for Gods love. The christian moves through this wilderness (fast) with his/her eyes set on the cross, knowing that after the cross the hunger ends.

This little excersion into starvation is suppose to represent the christians journey into christianity. The fast represents the time before becoming a christian. The cross represents the killing of the old self. And then Easter represents the rising of the new man. The end.

I guess my only problem with this whole thing is "why christianity?" What I have just tried to articulate holds true of any rebirth. It holds true of any change. If a murderer decides to change his/her lifestyle, the process will be the same. There will be the time when he/she was a murderer. The time when he/she stops being a murderer. And the time when the new man (not a murderer) arises. This is fundamental of any change. And I doubt you would find any religion, or cult that would argue that this is not the normal process of change. So why is it a Religion.

Most people who know me, know that I do not have a problem with God. I do not even have a problem with the character of Jesus Christ. Nor do I have a problem with the Old or New Testament. Or for that matter, any other book in print. For all of these things, are just that, things. Not saying that Jesus is just a thing, but in a way he is. He is a character in a narrative of a story. We can argue whether that character actually walked the earth till the cows come home. But nonetheless he is a character. Just as you and I, are characters in the narratives of all of our friends and relatives. To some we are sinners, and to some we are saints.

So if he was just a character. And if we are just characters, why do christian focus on him? There are christian truths that happen to all of us as we grow and become. But just because they happen to us, does not mean that we are christians. For most of my life I have felt pretty close to God. However, I can look back and reflect on times when I did not acknowledge that presence. Hell you might even say I ran from it. And there is also a point in my life, when I stopped running from it, and started walking toward it. To a christian this might sound a lot like the conversion to christianity. But I will hold firm, this is not about becoming a christian, this is simply part of life. Part of growing. Part of becoming. It is no more a religion than mathematics.

And so there it is. I am simply a man embarking on an age old tradition. Not because I am the member of a church. But because I beleive there is much to be learned in the process of self sacrifice. Will it bring me closer to God, I doubt it. Will I be any more or less a heathen or a christian when it is over, I doubt it. Will I be proud of myself if I am able to stand strong. Will I gain confidense knowing that I can still accomplish something so long as I set my mind to it. Will that confidence spill over into other aspects of my life "damn straight"

Ash Wednesday

Well today is the official beginning of Lent, and this year I have decided to try a full Lenten Fast. Thats right not just my usual two week fast, this one is going to last almost 47 days. According to custom it all ends on April 15 the day before Easter, so my Mother better be ready for a hungy hungry hippo this year for Easter dinner.

As the Lenten fast is a little different from my regular fast I am going to commit to my personal ground rules right here and now.

1. No Meat
2. No Fruits or vegatables, however juices are acceptable
3. No Alchohol (obviously the hardest part of the fast)
4. No Treats ;-)
5. Because this is a longer fast than I have ever tried. I am going to allow honey and nuts, which the church deems as acceptable.

So those are the nuts and bolts of my Lenten fast for 2006. Normally fasting is to be done as a very silent act. One is not suppose to make a show of it. I hope that this blog does not fall into that category. Cory suggested I track my progress on the blog so that I will be able to look back and see how my moods change the further I get into the insanity. I am sure I will get a little cranky as the hunger sets in.

I know it has been a long time since I have blogged so there is much I wish to say. I will try to get it all out over the next forty seven days as a daily blog entry will also be part of my Lenten activities. I am also hoping to finish Barclays Commentary on the New Testament prior to Easter (That was my goal). In order to achieve this I will have a pretty crazy reading regiment over the coming weeks. With the coming of Easter, I will also try to put some christian (I hate that word, so lets try another) some HUMAN thoughts regarding my reading and the journey that this fast will no doubt prompt.

For all my heathen friends out there who normally dont give up something for Lent. I recommend you all try it. Christian or not (after all I am not a christian) the idea of Lent seems pretty noble. Simply give up something for a month and a half. You can give up anything, but I would suggest giving up something you know you will need to give up sooner or later ie. fast food, smoking, drinking. And for all of you who are up to the challenge of becoming a better person, I suggest you document your Lenten activity in my comment box.

Good Luck to all. And I will see you at the finish line (IN this case, hammered to a cross, if memory serves me correctly)